Who He Is

I love fresh starts. A clean page in a journal. (I prefer unlined paper. It appeals to my imagination.) A budding friendship. Moving to an city that is unfamiliar to you. The dawn of the day. A new year.

I wish there was a pause, though, between what was and what will be. My life does not support it much any more, but taking time for introspection, reflection, and meditation is important to me. Life is full of busy and the next thing on the list or schedule that we sometimes forget to actually take a breath. A heavenly perspective is a challenge to maintain, and those pauses help me turn my heart heavenward to hear God's voice in the midst of a very loud world. So very loud.

This time as the past year conceded to the next one, I found myself frantically reorganizing my house from Christmas travels, hastily repacking the holiday decorations, and finalizing my plans for the coming month of homeschool. When Sunday arrived, a day of rest, I simply could not find peace. My mind was buzzing with thoughts, and I felt restless. I desperately needed a pause. Luckily, my husband helped my sit and savor the day, to laugh with our children, and let go. My plans and lists would wait for me.

In those moments of rest, I realized my frantic state was my attempt to gain control of life and tame it. This, I fear, is not possible. Life cannot be tamed. No amount of cleaning out, organizing, or list making will  make me more ready to face what, I'm certain, will charge at me with amazing speed in the future. I will not seeing it coming, good or bad. Yes, this is a fresh start, but the start of what I do not know. Oswald Chambers said it best.

Have you been asking God what He is going to do?

He will never tell you.

God does not tell you what He is going to do;

He reveals to you Who He is."

So, as 2011 begins, I have myself a fresh start and a prayer that in all things this year, no matter what may come, God will reveal to me who He is and in that revealing I may live my untamed life for His glory.