Who He Is

I love fresh starts. A clean page in a journal. (I prefer unlined paper. It appeals to my imagination.) A budding friendship. Moving to an city that is unfamiliar to you. The dawn of the day. A new year.

I wish there was a pause, though, between what was and what will be. My life does not support it much any more, but taking time for introspection, reflection, and meditation is important to me. Life is full of busy and the next thing on the list or schedule that we sometimes forget to actually take a breath. A heavenly perspective is a challenge to maintain, and those pauses help me turn my heart heavenward to hear God's voice in the midst of a very loud world. So very loud.

This time as the past year conceded to the next one, I found myself frantically reorganizing my house from Christmas travels, hastily repacking the holiday decorations, and finalizing my plans for the coming month of homeschool. When Sunday arrived, a day of rest, I simply could not find peace. My mind was buzzing with thoughts, and I felt restless. I desperately needed a pause. Luckily, my husband helped my sit and savor the day, to laugh with our children, and let go. My plans and lists would wait for me.

In those moments of rest, I realized my frantic state was my attempt to gain control of life and tame it. This, I fear, is not possible. Life cannot be tamed. No amount of cleaning out, organizing, or list making will  make me more ready to face what, I'm certain, will charge at me with amazing speed in the future. I will not seeing it coming, good or bad. Yes, this is a fresh start, but the start of what I do not know. Oswald Chambers said it best.

Have you been asking God what He is going to do?

He will never tell you.

God does not tell you what He is going to do;

He reveals to you Who He is."

So, as 2011 begins, I have myself a fresh start and a prayer that in all things this year, no matter what may come, God will reveal to me who He is and in that revealing I may live my untamed life for His glory.

October

If I ascend into heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me.
Psalm 139: 8-10

Today my heart is heavy. Over the course of the past few weeks I've been reminded of the depravity of the world around me, the limits of the ones I love, the vulnerabilities I carry within my own soul, and the stark need of a Savior. My heart hurts.

In pondering these things, I felt the stirrings of fear and anger (not the righteous kind, unfortunately), and I had to tamp down the urges to either run and hide or pick up my boxing gloves and go destroy something. These are only two of my own weaknesses I was also reminded of in recent days. Humbling.

I wish I could say I immediately turned to God with the boldness and confidence that Paul displayed when writing the epistles and ministering to the early church. I am convicted by his words in 2 Corinthians 5:20, "We are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us - I implore you on Christ's behalf be reconciled to God! (2 Cor. 5: 20). He had a clear eternal perspective on life that still challenges and teaches me so many years later. And though I may not always feel the truth of these words, I am still an ambassador of Christ. However, this ambassador has a lot to learn. My reaction to facing some trials included the following:

I vented and fumed.
I stayed busy so I didn't have to process the issues.
I locked myself in the bathroom for a good crying jag.
I sent up desperate prayers that more resembled a rant than heartfelt petition.
I discussed the various issues with trusted people in my life.

With weariness plaguing me today, I finally did what I should have done weeks ago, I opened my Bible and my journal and my heart. Submission. And waiting for me there in the stillness was my Shepherd and King. And His sovereignty, His holiness, His grace, and His compassion reminded me that though there is deep darkness in this world, God's Light has pierced it.

"For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ."
2 Corinthians 4:6

Even as I type, the weight lifts off my shoulders. The weariness is replaced by hope and His strength. And my eyes shift from a downward view of earth to an upward view of Heaven.

God is here and He is faithful.
In the darkness, we have Hope and Light in Him.
We are not alone, and we are loved.

The Son is gone for a time
Struggle and strive to hold on
In the Dark
Search for the purpose in chaos
Watch for signs of the end
Here's the Hope
In the pursuit of Life
Shining His light on the path
For the People

Belief versus Faith

This past week I was studying the difference between belief and faith. For me it was eye-opening, and with Easter around the corner, I thought it perfect timing. Here is a bit of what I learned...

I've believed in God for as long as I can remember, but that is not faith. Faith is something infinitely deeper and more intimate. It says in James 2: 19 that the demons believe, but do they have faith? No. Everyone believes something or believes in something. But what is faith?

I was struck by one paragraph in the study this week, probably because it spoke directly to where I was at the moment. It's truth resonates. This is from the book Live a Praying Life by Jennifer Kennedy Dean.

If you find yourself shifting back and forth between confidence and anxiety,if you find that your mind and emotions can never fully be at rest,probably you have strong belief, but have not moved on to faith. You cannot get faith from any source except God Himself. Get to know the Promiser for yourself, and it will be easy to trust His promises. Give Him every opportunity to prove Himself strong in your behalf. Let Him take responsibility for moving you on to faith. Rest in Him.

This is the crux of the matter to me. Faith is a confidence in the character of God and the Truth of His Word. It requires a relationship with the Almighty and an awareness of His Presence in my life. I can have faith in Him because I KNOW Him. I have experienced Him and I trust Him. You see belief is a shaky business; it can change with the wind and does not have a foundation. But faith is rock solid and built on Truth. And when God speaks, I can obey in faith because I have confidence in who He is.

Later in the study, the author makes this distinction.

Faith in its active form is called "obedience."
Faith in its spoken form is called "prayer."

Faith puts action to belief. It is the heart and mind of the matter. Belief penetrates your mind. Faith penetrates your mind, heart, soul, and body. It becomes the way you live. And prayer is the relational aspect of faith. Faith is rooted in Someone.

I've always loved Hebrews 11. It is such an inspiring and challenging treatise on faith. Here is part of it...

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. for by it the elders obtained a good testimony. By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.

By faith Able offered to God...
By faith Enoch was translated...

But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he sho comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

By faith Noah, being divinely warned of things not yet seen,
moved with godly fear and perpared an ark...
By faith Abraham obeyed...
By faith he (Abraham) sojourned...)
By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive and bore a child...
By faith Issac blessed Jacob and Esau...
By faith Jacob blessed his sons and worshipped...
By faith....

The list goes on and on. By faith, God's people acted on His word. This passage is chock full of verbs. All these people had relationships with God, firsthand experience, and the relationship gave scope and purpose to their lives. Hope. They chose to walk a life directed by God in faith.

I understand with greater clarity now why my life looks so different when I am walking by faith instead of just belief in God. God calls His people to hear His voice and respond in faith. Obedience. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes. DoI always obey and listen with faith? Certainly not. But when I do, the difference in my life, my mind, and my soul is significant.

You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Psalm 16:11

So, this Easter as I celebrate the resurrection of Christ and the gift of life He has given me, I will have faith in the one, true living God with whom I can daily interact. This is the gift of Easter, a relationship with the Almighty God of the universe. My faith rests in Him and I am full of joy.

Old Story, New Thoughts

So, with the new year I am yet again attempting to make it through the Bible in a year. You would think this wouldn't be so hard, but every time I get bogged down in begets and minor prophets. This time I am setting monthly goals instead of one gigantic unattainable yearly goal. Halfway through January and I'm doing pretty good. In fact, I am loving it. Genesis is so intriguing. I don't know when God-fearing people starting getting pegged as pious, judgmental, conservative, boring folks, but it wasn't during the time before Christ. (And just for the record, Christians are NOT pious, judgmental, conservative, boring folks as a rule, that's a bad rap. O.k., maybe conservative isn't such a bad thing...) Anyway, I digress.

From the time Adam and Eve made their fateful choice, we've been going downhill as a race. Sin is an infectious disease, and we are fooling ourselves to think otherwise. God saved Noah and his family when He wiped out the earth and started fresh, but the remaining folks were still sinful. They showed their true colors in short order. The Tower of Babel, lying, homosexuality, deception, wars, jealousy, mistresses fighting with wives, rape, pillaging, etc. Ouch, we are a bona fide mess.

In Sunday School we focus on the pillars of the faith and their great character because we want our children to have faith like Abraham, the wisdom and courage of Joseph, and the blessings of Jacob. But in doing this, we lose the point of it all.

It is not these people we are to model our lives after, it is the God of these people who should be our focus.

Abraham made major mistakes, the line of Christ came through Joseph's very faulty and sometimes sneaky brother Judah, and Jacob betrayed his brother and couldn't keep his family life peaceful for all the strife between his wives and mistresses.

When I see these people as pillars of the faith, something to strive for, I feel inadequate and daunted by the task. I don't know that I could spend years building a boat in a land for a flood that seems impossible surrounded by people who taunt me mercilessly. I don't know that I could be willing to sacrifice my child or continue having faith in a God who asked me to. I'm not sure I'd be as faithful and forgiving as Joseph when he was so clearly wronged by his family.

But that is not the whole story.

These people were very much human. They had weaknesses, hesitations, fears, anger, and well, sin. In pondering these people as they really were I felt a kinship with them for the first time in a long time. And I realized with brilliant clarity how awesome and powerful and loving our God truly is. He called these people because He loved them and wanted to use them for something greater than themselves, His Kingdom, not because they were capable, wonderful, perfect people. Through their weakness, God's strength is evident. That gives me hope. I don't have to be a pillar of faith; I just have to be His.

Since that moment that Adam and Eve began this long spiral downhill, God has been faithfully and powerfully creating the most wonderful story of redemption and love. And the story isn't over; He is still involved in our lives today. For that and so much more, I am eternally thankful.

Scar Tissue

I've read it hundreds of times and so have you.

"He restores my soul." Psalm 23:3

This time when I read it, the significance of this statement crashed into me and has been wrecking me ever since.

If He restores my soul, then I NEED restoring.
If He restores my soul, I CAN be healed.
If He restores my soul, He SEES all that needs restoring.
If He restores my soul, He must love me tremendously.

And then an image popped in my mind. Scar tissue. There is nothing soft or smooth or attractive about scar tissue. While it marks a place of healing, it is normally hard and ugly. I have it, you have it, we all are marked with it. It is one of the great miracles of the human body, the ability to heal. But restoration? We don't have that ability. We can not restore ourselves to wholeness. Not our bodies, not our souls.

Our souls are hardened with scar tissue reminding us of the pain and hardship and trials we have faced in this life. Hardened. But God promises us restoration. Wholeness.

He softens us to receive His love.
He heals the hurt so that we can see past the pain and accept Him.
He restores our broken places leaving us free of shame.

Through His power and love, I am restored.

And I can say with David,
"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. "
Psalm 23:6

Hope

Such a powerful, tenuous thing. I really got to thinking about this on Sunday night at our small group Bible study. We are watching a video series, and I have to say, a lot of the things the speaker says provoke me. While I believe his heart is good, I think he is missing the boat. But that is another topic altogether. What bothered me this week was that in trying to make a point about how our faith needs to be relevant to our lives today, he completely and totally discounted hope as a significant factor in our Christian lives. What he missed is that hope is what makes our faith relevant.

You can't read the Psalms without encountering powerful messages about Hope. The whole Old Testament in fact is geared toward the hope of a coming Christ and restored relationship with God. Read the New Testament. It is infused with hope. Faith, Hope, and Love. (I Cor. 13:13) They are not separate entities; they are entwined in eternity. God's Word is Truth. He is Love. He gives us Faith. He offers us Hope. Our faith in God is dead without Hope. It is one of the things that makes Christianity unique. The hope of eternity. The hope of the full restoration of all things. But I get ahead of myself.

Let me back up a little and offer insight with God's own words.

Psalm31:2 says...
"Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart,All you who hope in the Lord."

Psalm 33:20-22
"Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. For our heart shall rejoice in Him, Because we have trusted in His holy name. Let Your mercy, O Lord, be upon us, just as we hope in You."

Psalm 34:4-5
(this one does not use the word "hope",
but the message is clear.)
"I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed."

Psalm 36:7-9 (One of my personal favorites.)
"How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings. They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house, And You give them drink from the river of Your pleasure. For with You is the fountain of life; In your light we see light."

I Peter 3:15
"But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you..."

Romans 5:5
"Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."

I Peter 1: 3-4
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you."

The list could go on and on and on until you've essentially read the entire Bible. As a race, humans crave hope. This world is ravaged with pain, anger, and confusion. We long for something more. God offers us Himself as the answer. In relationship with Him we find Hope. For me, that is significant and worth pursuing.