Discouragement

Raising three children, teaching them God's ways and educating them in academics, managing our home, volunteering at church, visiting with friends, caring for a growing number of pets, making time for appointments, spending time with my wonderful husband, cooking dinner, running children around to lessons and practices, squeezing time in for a little rest. Deep breath.

It's an absolutely wonderful life. I love it with ever fiber of my being. Lately, though I've felt the weight of responsibility, the crush of time, and the weariness of a woman not lingering at her Father's feet.

I began looking through a book I recently purchased for the startling amount of one single dollar. The first pages encouraged the readers to analyze the 'why' of what we do as women. In particular she referred to why we want a clean house. So, I started my list...

...I want to be able to welcome others over at a moment's notice - hospitality.
...A well organized and clean home is warm and inviting - peace & simplicity.
...I want to be a good steward of what we have been given - stewardship.
...God has given me this work and blessed it - calling & design.
...When my home is put together, I feel free to enjoy my sweet family - joy.

As I looked at the list and the labels I gave each item, my heart rested on Proverbs 31. There is something bigger going on here than a clean house. Who I am in Christ touches on every aspect of my life. When I am abiding in Him, dwelling in His presence, listening to the Spirit, rejoicing in every trial and blessing, and seeking Him the why of everything I do is to glorify Him.

Today I really needed to be reminded of that bigger view of life. It just simply is not about me at all. The moment I lose sight of that, I've lost sight of God.

Father, as I clean my house, love my husband, teach our children, work, laugh, and play, help me to glorify You. When I feel weary and worn out, help me to cast my eyes upon the author and finisher of my faith and glorify You. On the days when everything is hard, give me joy in You and show me how to glorify You. On the days when everything is laughter and sunshine, may I give you the glory. Teach me to love You with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength so that in all things You will be glorified. Amen

Psalm 51: Broken

I love the Psalms. No matter how many times I've read and reread them, I always walk away with something new to challenge or refresh. Today Psalm 51 was the primary subject in my daily reading from the devotional classic Streams in the Desert. The author was focusing on verse 17, "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart." God uses broken things. How true. Later in the New Testament, Paul reminds us that "God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence." (I Cor. 1: 28-29)

Pride does not belong in the Christian life, but it comes so naturally to us. Brokenness, humility, and dependence are difficult pills to swallow. Yet God's Word is full of promises for His children who embrace them. The beginning of Matthew chapter 5 is an example of such promises. And today in Psalm 51 I was given even more insight into this matter of brokenness. We are born into iniquity, sin. We are born broken. And yet, despite that fact, God desires relationship with us. He longs to make us whole again. This is not always an easy process. Take verse 8, for example. "Make me to hear joy and gladness, that the bones which You have broken may rejoice." I will confess that this verse is difficult for me to comprehend, yet I know its Truth. God, at times, does have to break us in order to heal us. Our stubborn pride and sin harden us to His love and forgiveness. In such a state we cannot hear or understand the joy of God.

Through pain, we are brought to a place of healing. But when we are in the place of pain, often we ask, "Why?" Verses 12 and 13 of Psalm 51 offer one answer.
          Restore to me the Joy of Your salvation,
          And uphold me with Your generous Spirit.
          Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
          And sinners shall be converted to You.
God's work in our lives, however painful at times, affects others for Him. When we are restored to joy and healed in our spirits, others see the hand of God. The hope of salvation and the light of Truth shine forth and lead others to God.

So, what does this mean in real life? It means that I have had difficulties in my life. I have railed and screamed and wept. My heart has broken, and there have been times when darkness swept over me like a cloak. I have walked, sometimes limped, my way through those valleys to discover that the gentle hand of my Shepherd was ever at my back guiding me. He never left my side, and when I emerged from the darkness, the light of His love shone on my face and healed the bruises. I carry the scars, but more importantly, my soul has been knit even tighter to the one who washed the wounds and carried me through. Joy was restored to me, and He has always upheld me with His generous Spirit.

The difficult times never cease, but God is ever faithful. And through it all, my prayer is...
       Create in me a clean heart, O God, 
        and renew a steadfast spirit within me.