Problem Solving

I like to problem solve; it makes me feel productive and valuable. Listening, for me, is an area of constant growth. People stereotype the man in the marriage as the one who hears his wife and just wants to offer ways to fix it, the wife listens with compassion. Oddly enough, in our marriage, it is often the other way around. But I'm learning.

The thing is I find myself doing the same thing with God. Too often in the past I prayed to talk out MY solutions to life, not listen to His heart. Truth is I don't much like my solutions and when I use them, I often end up in a pickle. (Sometimes, it's an entire jar of pickles.) Then, I'm just weary, frustrated, and confused. God, where are you? Only, He hasn't gone anywhere, I've just moved on without Him.

As I've gotten older, I find that the confidence and the recklessness of youth has faded, and I am much more willing to ask for help and I am learning to listen. The more I know about life, the more I realize I don't know. It's humbling. But the more I realize my imperfections and ineptitude, the more I realize God's incredible strength. He is my everything, and He is enough.

In thinking about prayer this week and about my relationship with God, I've realized that true communion with God requires that I be vulnerable, humble, and well, quiet.

I was reading this week about Moses and the Israelite people as they fled Egypt. One verse captured my attention and I haven't been able to quit thinking about it. Here it is in two translations.

"The Lord will fight for you while you keep silent."
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."
Exodus 14:14

I can imagine the fear and desperation the people were feeling. They have witnessed the plagues on the Egyptians as God provided a way out of slavery for them. Now they are free, but Pharaoh has changed his mind and all of Egypt's army is on their tail. In front of them is a massive body of water, impassable. Behind them, death and slavery. Where are you now, God? What do we DO?

I hate that feeling. Worry, anxiety, fear. That sinking pit of dread that hits you at times when your circumstances are completely out of your control. How to pray then? What to DO?

In this case, the answer was simple. Keep silent. Be still. In other words, don't DO anything except TRUST God.
Even when you are afraid.
Even when you are vulnerable.
Even when your hope is flagging.
Even when the world is falling apart around you.
Even then, trust.

So did God fight for them? Yes, He most certainly did. God's power is limitless. His love is eternal. His forgiveness complete. Our circumstances change, but God doesn't. Our circumstances confound us, but not God. We feel trapped by our choices, God frees us.

I'm learning that being vulnerable with God and not having all the answers is really the best place to be after all. In His infinite mercy, God delights in loving His weary, broken, and tired people. He wants to be my Champion and Defender and Protector and Guide. So, I will...

Trust in the Lord with all my heart
and lean not on my own understanding.
In all my ways, I will acknowledge Him,
and He will make my paths straight.
Proverbs 3: 5-6

God is a much better problem solver than I am. To my utter relief, I gladly relinquish that role.

Meditation and Relationship

Meditation does not come naturally to me. I think that is why it is called a spiritual discipline; it requires a diligent commitment to a course of action. And yet, this week while reading and thinking on this topic, I gained some clarity and a different way of viewing meditation. Joyce Hugget makes this statement in this book, Spiritual Classics edited by Foster and Griffin.

"Christian meditation has nothing to do with emptying our minds.
Christian meditation engages every part of us -
our mind, our emotions, our imagination, our creativity, and, supremely, our will."

Choosing to meditate means choosing to fill yourself with and becoming intimately attached to the object of your meditation. Meditation (or prayer, as some call it) is pursuing a relationship with God. Simple enough, right? What I've noticed in my own life is that meditation connects truth to life. It gives a clarity to my thinking and refocuses my attention. My heart become engaged in living and excited about pursuing my Savior. It helps me clear my mind of the things that weigh it down and lifts my spirit out of this world. Scripture becomes ingrained.

I've notice that since I've been reading the Bible on a more daily basis my mind and heart have been eager for more, like my appetite has been whetted. I am more engaged in the spiritual aspect of my life, which oddly enough, makes the earthly me much more content with life.

Maybe meditation isn't so hard after all.

"We bask in the warmth of his love. We feel his gaze on us. He fills us afresh with his Spirit. We receive a new perspective on life - his perspective. We draw so close to his heart that we sense his concern for the world, and from our contemplation flows intercession as we catch his compassion for a hurting world."
Joyce Huggett

Jesus calls us to this sweet communion in John 15. Over and over again He tells us, "Abide in Me" and later "Abide in my love." Meditation is a call to intimate relationship with the God of all Creation. It is a call to love and be loved. All of a sudden I don't see meditation as so difficult anymore, I see it as a rich blessing. A gift.

Meditate

I recently started reading and discussing with a friend a book about the twelve spiritual disciplines. I have to confess my ignorance when I began the book. If asked, I could not have listed these disciplines and certainly didn't know there were twelve. They are even divided into subgroups. As much as I love making lists, this was one I had little awareness of. If you are in that boat with me, here they are as listed in the book.

Inward Disciplines:
Meditation
Prayer
Fasting
Study

Outward Disciplines:
Simplicity
Solitude
Submission
Service

Corporate Disciplines:
Confession
Worship
Guidance
Celebration

What I love about the book is that it is selected writings of Christians authors and thinkers for the past two thousand years. Wow. The lives, experiences, and collective wisdom represented is a bit staggering.

For the next few weeks we are talking about meditation. I am a very reflective person and love having time to think and process life. Keeping a journal has always been a part of my life, but I don't think I am so good at meditating. (Although with young children, the journaling has fallen to the wayside a bit too.) Meditations requires a quiet composure and stillness that seems to elude me these days.

As silly as it may sound, I've often thought of meditating and marinating as similar activities. Taking the time to meditate on a truth works much like allowing spices to marinate, flavor, and tenderize meat. (Like I said, it may sound silly, but stick with me.) The truth must be given time to sink into your soul and resonate with your spirit. As it does, truth influences your thoughts, and your thoughts influence your actions. All of a sudden, your life is flavored by the time you spent meditating and by what you spent time meditating on.

Truly, I long for this kind of spice in my life, but often I am too busy? distracted? undisciplined? scared? to sit down with my Savior in the quietness of my soul and seek the Truth.

This week I was challenged by Thomas More...

To be content to be solitary,
Not to long for worldly company
Little and little utterly to cast off the world,
And rid my mind of all the business thereof.

Did I say challenge? Indeed. We do not live in a culture that applauds solitude and stillness, and yet that is the very cry of our souls. We are parched by our busyness, we are wearied by our schedules, and we are dying for something meaningful to pierce our meager existence. And yet we fill our free moments with junk food. Well, at least, I know I do at times. And those times I actually try to be still, my mind is a jumble of thoughts or I simply fall to sleep. Sigh.

So, what to do? I was also challenged by Jeremiah 17 : 5-10. Read the whole passage and note the contrast he offers. I'll only quote part of it here, the part that struck me to the core. (The bold is my emphasis, not the writer's.)

Blessed are those who trust in the Lord,
Whose trust is in the Lord.
They shall be like a tree planted by water,
sending out its roots by the stream.
It shall not fear when heat comes,
and its leaves shall stay green,
in the year of drought, it is not anxious,
and it does not cease to bear fruit.

Can't you picture it? A giant, strong, healthy tree by a stream. Lush, green, shady, fruitful. I want to be that tree. Full of trust in the Lord. Deep healthy roots, a strong foundation in Christ. Able to weather life's difficult season's with grace. Peaceful, not anxious. Full of life.

Roots don't form overnight. Strong roots take years and good soil. Again, sigh. Instant gratification this is not. This is work and commitment and discipline. So, how is this rest? God knows our needs and our weaknesses. He understands what it's like to live here, to struggle with flesh and spirit. He knows we need time with Him in order to have relationship, to form our roots. And He knows how easily we get distracted. He knows we need rest and He knows how hard it is for us to find it. There are plenty of scriptures that talk about this, but here is one of my favorites.

Psalm 46:10
Cease striving (be still) and know that I am God.

Somebody down the line in history put meditation on a list of spiritual disciplines, but it wasn't their idea. It was God's design for us from Creation. He rested on the seventh day and set an example for us, not because He wanted us to check meditation off on a to do list, but because He knows how our souls, minds, bodies, and spirits need the rest. He knows that we must choose to do it. Rest. Meditate. Be still.

Mary sat at Jesus' feet and was still. She knew that He was God. She meditated on His goodness. At times I do this, but most of the time I'm still Martha in the kitchen striving. I want to experience life spiced with meditation and knowing God in that stillness of your soul where only He can see. I want to love deeply. I want deep, well watered roots.

Old Story, New Thoughts

So, with the new year I am yet again attempting to make it through the Bible in a year. You would think this wouldn't be so hard, but every time I get bogged down in begets and minor prophets. This time I am setting monthly goals instead of one gigantic unattainable yearly goal. Halfway through January and I'm doing pretty good. In fact, I am loving it. Genesis is so intriguing. I don't know when God-fearing people starting getting pegged as pious, judgmental, conservative, boring folks, but it wasn't during the time before Christ. (And just for the record, Christians are NOT pious, judgmental, conservative, boring folks as a rule, that's a bad rap. O.k., maybe conservative isn't such a bad thing...) Anyway, I digress.

From the time Adam and Eve made their fateful choice, we've been going downhill as a race. Sin is an infectious disease, and we are fooling ourselves to think otherwise. God saved Noah and his family when He wiped out the earth and started fresh, but the remaining folks were still sinful. They showed their true colors in short order. The Tower of Babel, lying, homosexuality, deception, wars, jealousy, mistresses fighting with wives, rape, pillaging, etc. Ouch, we are a bona fide mess.

In Sunday School we focus on the pillars of the faith and their great character because we want our children to have faith like Abraham, the wisdom and courage of Joseph, and the blessings of Jacob. But in doing this, we lose the point of it all.

It is not these people we are to model our lives after, it is the God of these people who should be our focus.

Abraham made major mistakes, the line of Christ came through Joseph's very faulty and sometimes sneaky brother Judah, and Jacob betrayed his brother and couldn't keep his family life peaceful for all the strife between his wives and mistresses.

When I see these people as pillars of the faith, something to strive for, I feel inadequate and daunted by the task. I don't know that I could spend years building a boat in a land for a flood that seems impossible surrounded by people who taunt me mercilessly. I don't know that I could be willing to sacrifice my child or continue having faith in a God who asked me to. I'm not sure I'd be as faithful and forgiving as Joseph when he was so clearly wronged by his family.

But that is not the whole story.

These people were very much human. They had weaknesses, hesitations, fears, anger, and well, sin. In pondering these people as they really were I felt a kinship with them for the first time in a long time. And I realized with brilliant clarity how awesome and powerful and loving our God truly is. He called these people because He loved them and wanted to use them for something greater than themselves, His Kingdom, not because they were capable, wonderful, perfect people. Through their weakness, God's strength is evident. That gives me hope. I don't have to be a pillar of faith; I just have to be His.

Since that moment that Adam and Eve began this long spiral downhill, God has been faithfully and powerfully creating the most wonderful story of redemption and love. And the story isn't over; He is still involved in our lives today. For that and so much more, I am eternally thankful.