Fear and Worship

Irrational fears can surface at the strangest times and overcome you. They are strange to say the least because they are, well, irrational. Last night I was sharing one of my such fears with my husband. Due to some circumstances in my life at the moment, I found myself confronting a very real, but very irrational fear that bubbled to the surface. I wanted reassurance and comfort from my dear husband. What I got was him confessing that he understood because he is deathly afraid of giant ostriches attacking him with their tiny beaks and pecking him to death. Ha, ha. He couldn't even deliver this little gem of humor without totally cracking up with man-sized belly laughs. I didn't find his attempt at rerouting my thoughts so funny last night, but today I see his point. Irrational fears are ridiculous. More than anything they reveal our weaknesses, insecurities, and anxieties.

Today between my many chores, I took a break to read some Psalms and I was struck by this Truth. Worship trumps fears. When I worship God, there is no room in my heart or mind for fears based in this world. They slide away into an abyss. In the void that is left, God's abundant love and joy fill me up.

Psalm 100
Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture...the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

As I soaked this in, I realized how small and insignificant my fears really are compared to the awesome greatness of my Creator. A Creator who desires intimate relationship with me. A Creator who longs to love and protect me like a shepherd watches over his sheep.And when I focus my attention on Him, I have no room in my life for fear of anything other than him, and that is not irrational. It is respectful and true and right.

And so today I am soaking in His promises and Truth. I will let the Scripture speak for itself, and I will worship instead of fear.

Psalm 103: 1-5
Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

A Word Picture

We are all hungry for something and seek to be satiated. And by this, of course, I am speaking of our souls and spirits. Approval, pleasure, significance, security, success, forgiveness, love. But what is our source of sustenance?

Two very contrasting passages arrested my attention today while studying a different topic. Here they are...

1.Speaking of the Israelites after they were delivered from the Egyptians and were wandering in the desert, David says in Psalm 106: 13-15,

They soon forgot His works; They did not wait for His counsel,but lusted exceedingly in the wilderness, and tested God in the desert. And He gave them their request, but sent leanness into their soul.

It is the last statement that sends conviction and fear shooting straight through my heart. I have felt leanness in my soul before and it is shallow and painful and leaves me aching. The picture here is quite clear. The people of Israel made the choice to ignore God and push ahead with their own agenda. In doing so, they "lusted" after other gods and challenged the Almighty God's authority. And what was His response? He gave them what they wanted. The consequence was a lean and hungry soul. This is not a picture of peace and joy and fulfillment. This is not a picture of communion and intimate relationship. This is a picture of a willful child enduring the consequences of their poor choices. Ouch.

2. And now David offers us this refreshing picture from Psalm 37: 3-5 and part of 7.

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart...rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him...

Simply reading these words refreshes my spirit and gives me hope. The picture here is one of peace and joy and fulfillment. This is a picture of sweet communion and intimate relationship. The end result of committing to this road is a satisfied, nourished soul. Rest.

So, why do I so often travel the desert road with the people of Israel? I do not desire a leanness of soul, but by my actions, by pursuing lesser things, that is what I'm telling God. I think too often I am afraid of where God will lead me, not because I have any reason not to trust Him, but because my faith is weak. The pull of the world is strong and ever present. It is here and now and loud and colorful. It is immediate.

Today I was startled by a theme I saw in several scripture passages. It is repeated in part of Psalm 37 - "wait patiently for Him." Wow. God delivered the people of Israel from Egypt, but things were not immediately easy or clear for them. Instead of waiting for God who promised to be there for them, they moved ahead without Him. That's what I do too. Maybe I'm impatient. Maybe I'm afraid of not knowing what lies ahead. Maybe I don't like being still and quiet. Maybe I need to trust God's leading a little more and "dwell" with Him a little longer and "feed on his faithfulness" instead of my insecurities.

When God asks us to delight in Him, He is not being arrogant. He knows we hunger, and he knows what will nourish us. Him. He designed us for relationship with Him, so it only makes sense that the greatest desires of our heart would be fulfilled by our Creator. Anything else will bring a leanness to our souls.

This is a word picture that will stay with me a long time: a leanness in the desert or satisfied delight in the land of God.

A Jealous God

Many who argue against Christianity take issue with the Ten Commandments saying that Christianity is restrictive and close minded and rule oriented. They feel confined and judged by what they perceive as a God who imposes morality and rules without love. I'm sure as fallible people we, the church body, contribute to this misunderstanding of God. We are not always a perfect picture of Christ's love and forgiveness. Unfortunately, as believers we get sucked into this type of thinking too. However, in thinking this, we miss one of the key aspects of God's nature, His desire for relationship. We miss knowing God as God.

In discussing some of these issues in her book, No Other Gods, Kelly Minter makes this statement:

And so it is with this fundamental piece of God being God, and God being the only God. When this gets out of whack in our belief system, the entire structure falls apart, the chain reaction affecting things you wouldn't imagine. It's like trying to run or reach or bend with a bad back. It's painful, and eventually impossible. If God is not God, if he is not the only God in our lives, then his commands and principles and truths become matters of suggestion that we're free to savor or toss at our whims.

God is God, and He is the only God. We know this, but we do not always live it. But if we do believe it and live it, this revolutionizes our lives. It goes back to the first of the ten commandments. Too often we only read the shortened version. But I think it is important to see the full context to understand the nature of God and His desires for us. So, bare with me a minute. Here is it is from Exodus 20: 3-6.

You shall have no other gods before me.

You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments.

It is in our sinful nature to latch onto the part about jealousy and punishing and the consequences of disobeying. At the core we are still little children balking at our boundaries. But if we read it again and examine it, there is more to the story. A jealous God is a God who desires relationship, not simply obedience. God understands us; He knows what we need. If He really is the one, true God and if He is really offering us life and love and forgiveness, He does deserve our undivided attention and devotion and commitment. He is offering us relationship and is showing us the way to succeed in that relationship.

Look at a marriage. It is only successful if both of the parties are open, honest, committed, and faithful. The minute one of them begins to seek intimacy or fulfillment, emotional or otherwise, with someone other than their spouse, there is a break down in the marriage. As it is with God. Love cannot be in word alone; it must have legs. Service and Love go hand in hand. God knows this and commands it. At the end of the first commandment He asks us to love Him AND keep His commandments. This isn't about legalism and a list of rules to follow. This is about a love that influences your heart, thought, and action.

In Mark 7:6, Christ quotes from the Old Testament saying, "This people honors Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me."

Ouch. It makes my heart hurt to read this. I've seen it in relationships before, I've experienced it. What makes me ache all the more is to know that I've done this to God. Loved Him with my words alone, while my actions speak volumes about my love of myself, this world, and paltry pleasures that leave me dissatisfied.

Being a Christian isn't about following rules or being good. It is about entering into a relationship with the Almighty Creator of the Universe. He asks us to be faithful, to serve and worship and love only Him. Makes sense. So, when God commands us to have no other gods before Him, He is asking us to trust that He is our God and trust that He is enough.

This, I think, is the real reason people balk at Christianity, balk at the Ten Commandments. We want it to be about us. We want to think that everything is relative, but Truth is not relative. God is God; there is no room for anything else. It must be the foundation of everything we believe. By constructing for ourselves other gods, we carve out for ourselves a little piece of this world that is ours. It is something we can control, something we understand. It makes us feel good about ourselves, for a while anyway. When we bow to the sovereign God of creation, we acknowledge our weakness and our need. But the beauty of this submission to Him, is that we receive His unabashed, unending love. Lavish. Rich. Pure. Faithful. True. Holy. Just. That love I crave. That love I need. So, when God commands me to have no other gods before Him, I accept that, not at a limitation, but as God's provision for my life. He designed us for relationship with Him. There is no other god for me but the one, true God. Anything else is a hollow substitute.

Christianity isn't about rules and morality and being good.

It is about Love.

"Jesus said, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,
with all your soul, and with all your mind.'
This is the first and great commandment."

No Other Gods

Some friends and I started a long distance book club. The first book we are reading, entitled No Other Gods by Kelly Minter, has struck a cord with me. She has a very conversational writing style that is personal and not so preachy. You know she understands what she is writing about because she has experienced it too.

I'm only in chapter two, but as I read it last night and listened to my sweet husband snore softly, I felt God tugging on my spirit. "Who or what do you worship? What treasure is stored up in your heart?" Hmmmm. Not so easy to answer if I'm honest with myself. Sure, I'm a Christian, so this should be easy, no? The trouble is that how our faith plays out in real life, not on paper, can often look different. How I spend my time, what I think about, the words that I speak, the interests that I pursue, and the relationships in my life are the real indicators of my heart priorities. Is God apart of my everyday life, even the details? Today, honestly, I don't feel very holy. I'm tired, my back hurts, my children's needs are wearing on my strength, and my housework is a long line of 'to do's' that will never end. Nothing in all that feels spiritual. I don't feel spiritual. How does worship fit into this life? How does spiritual treasure influence the life of a woman stuck in this world? I work on this everyday. It isn't easy.

One of the verses she referenced in passing struck me.

"And do not become idolaters as were some of them.
As it is written, 'The people sat down to eat and drink and rose up to play.'" I Cor. 10:7

I had to go back to Exodus 32 to see the big picture because with only this verse you might ask, is it idolatry to play and enjoy life? Of course, the answer is no. But that is not what was happening. The Israelites has constructed golden idols to worship instead of God and were essentially partying at the feet of the idols. Worshiping the idols and pursuing all things related had consumed the thoughts, hearts, and actions of the people. There was no room for their powerful, sovereign God in their lives.

And so it happens to us, to me.

Worship God. Serve God. You cannot have one without the other. In my everyday, unholy-feeling life I must worship and serve God. How? Today I don't have answers that fall out in practical terms, but I have the Truth and to that I will cling. Abide.

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Luke 12:34

My house is a mess, I haven't showered yet today, my kids and husband need me, my head hurts, and all I want to do is curl up and take a nap. In the midst of all this, I know my greatest longing right now is to be known and loved by my Heavenly Father. And so I will abide in Him.

God Laughs

Call the wild, strike the strings
Bagpipes blare in the open field.
Child run wild, praise the Lord!
This is what life is for.
Flowers bow, sun beats down,
Rivers flow,Creation knows
It's time to dance and God laughs.
10.96

Scar Tissue

I've read it hundreds of times and so have you.

"He restores my soul." Psalm 23:3

This time when I read it, the significance of this statement crashed into me and has been wrecking me ever since.

If He restores my soul, then I NEED restoring.
If He restores my soul, I CAN be healed.
If He restores my soul, He SEES all that needs restoring.
If He restores my soul, He must love me tremendously.

And then an image popped in my mind. Scar tissue. There is nothing soft or smooth or attractive about scar tissue. While it marks a place of healing, it is normally hard and ugly. I have it, you have it, we all are marked with it. It is one of the great miracles of the human body, the ability to heal. But restoration? We don't have that ability. We can not restore ourselves to wholeness. Not our bodies, not our souls.

Our souls are hardened with scar tissue reminding us of the pain and hardship and trials we have faced in this life. Hardened. But God promises us restoration. Wholeness.

He softens us to receive His love.
He heals the hurt so that we can see past the pain and accept Him.
He restores our broken places leaving us free of shame.

Through His power and love, I am restored.

And I can say with David,
"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. "
Psalm 23:6

Hope

Such a powerful, tenuous thing. I really got to thinking about this on Sunday night at our small group Bible study. We are watching a video series, and I have to say, a lot of the things the speaker says provoke me. While I believe his heart is good, I think he is missing the boat. But that is another topic altogether. What bothered me this week was that in trying to make a point about how our faith needs to be relevant to our lives today, he completely and totally discounted hope as a significant factor in our Christian lives. What he missed is that hope is what makes our faith relevant.

You can't read the Psalms without encountering powerful messages about Hope. The whole Old Testament in fact is geared toward the hope of a coming Christ and restored relationship with God. Read the New Testament. It is infused with hope. Faith, Hope, and Love. (I Cor. 13:13) They are not separate entities; they are entwined in eternity. God's Word is Truth. He is Love. He gives us Faith. He offers us Hope. Our faith in God is dead without Hope. It is one of the things that makes Christianity unique. The hope of eternity. The hope of the full restoration of all things. But I get ahead of myself.

Let me back up a little and offer insight with God's own words.

Psalm31:2 says...
"Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart,All you who hope in the Lord."

Psalm 33:20-22
"Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. For our heart shall rejoice in Him, Because we have trusted in His holy name. Let Your mercy, O Lord, be upon us, just as we hope in You."

Psalm 34:4-5
(this one does not use the word "hope",
but the message is clear.)
"I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed."

Psalm 36:7-9 (One of my personal favorites.)
"How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings. They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house, And You give them drink from the river of Your pleasure. For with You is the fountain of life; In your light we see light."

I Peter 3:15
"But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you..."

Romans 5:5
"Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."

I Peter 1: 3-4
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you."

The list could go on and on and on until you've essentially read the entire Bible. As a race, humans crave hope. This world is ravaged with pain, anger, and confusion. We long for something more. God offers us Himself as the answer. In relationship with Him we find Hope. For me, that is significant and worth pursuing.

Faith like a child

I've had two thoughts tumbling around in my heart and mind lately.

Abide. Dwelling in the presence of the Almighty. Taking shelter under His wings. Choosing to linger in His Truth.

Faith like a child. A love that isn't complicated. A trust that is unwavering.

I feel God pulling me toward Him. I know He wants me to deepen my understanding, but sometimes I'm slow. Fortunately, I have children. It is amazing how God uses my two sweet young ones to teach me. At their preschool, they learn weekly Bible verses. Last week my youngest came home every day and held up one finger for each word as she smilingly quoted, "Do not be afraid, God is with you!" And when she said the word "you" she pointed at me and grinned triumphantly. So, cute. But that wasn't the end of it. At the playground later in the week we were pretending to sail on a pirate ship and my son kept beckoning for my daughter and I to jump into the shark water with him. Of course, I pretended to be quite afraid to do this. She reached over and patted my leg and said quietly, "Don't worry, Mommy. Do not be afraid, God is with you." So,with no more protestations, I proceeded to jump into the shark water. It was as simple as that.

Somehow, though, faith doesn't seem that simple to us grown-ups. We question. We thrash. We resist. Releasing the control of our lives to God requires a humility and trust we struggle to obtain. Yet, He still beckons to us. "Come."

I reread a passage in Acts 27 the other day. If you ever have time, read it. Here is the nutshell. Paul is a prisoner being transported by ship to another location. Paul warns the crew and guards that there is trouble ahead, but they continue on and things don't go so well. Finally Paul addresses them (verses 21-26) with a bit of a rebuke then, "And now I urge you to take heart, for there will be no loss of life among you, but only of the ship...Therefore take heart, men, for I believe God that it will be just as it was told me." And then here is the clincher. "However, we must run aground on a certain island."

Paul trusted the faithfulness and power of God. He believed. His faith was strong and unwavering even in the face of certain difficulty. They would be shipwrecked, but God would spare their lives. Why do we think the Christian life will always go smoothly? Life in this world will be filled with trials. So, what is so different about the Christian life? The answer is Hope. Paul's hope, and the hope of all those on the ship, resided in God's ability to do what He said He would do.

And so, I return to my original thought. Faith like a child. A child is unmarred by the insecurities, fears, and distractions that interfere with trusting an Almighty God who loves them with no end. They cling to that love and trust the Giver of it. As adults, we too must cling to God with an unwavering faith knowing that even though we will, on occasion, run aground, He will see us through it. Therein lies our Hope.

In the days ahead, I choose to abide in the love and power of the One who sees what lies ahead and promises to walk me through it all.

Flood Gates

I have a confession to make. For the past several months, I have been adrift. I thought I was peacefully drifting, savoring the quiet of life, enjoying my family. Over the course of the past few weeks, I have come to realize that while I did need some quiet, I have squandered it. Instead of resting in my Heavenly Father, I stalled out. My mind came to a grinding halt, my heart closed down for the season, and my soul became malnourished. I sought my own way instead of Christ's.

We often buy into the world's message that we deserve "me" time. Our culture sells us music, hobbies, books, pursuits, travel, movies, and other such items of interest with which we fill our time. The world sells us pleasure. What we forget is that their primary priority is not our greater good, it is money. While the things listed above are not necessarily bad in and of themselves, the priority we give them in our life, the strength with which we pursue them alters their value. Pleasure is not bad, but pleasure outside of God is empty, draining, and unsatisfying. In God and in abiding in Him, we gain eternal pleasure.

Psalm 16:11 says...
"You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

The past few months have been nice, I suppose. I've had time to read, watch television, play with my children, pursue some of my hobbies, go out with friends, and visit family. All of this sounds great, right? So, why was I feeling empty? Why was I longing for more? Why was I beginning to feel riddled with fear, anxiety, and restlessness? I didn't have an answer until recently. And then it hit me with sudden clarity. God was absent. My dear Savior, the Overseer of my soul, had not been invited. I was lonely for my Father.

The shame of this, or realizing this, almost paralyzed me. But even this is a tool of the Enemy. If he can get me to give in to the guilt, I am blinded to Christ's work on the cross and the forgiveness that is mine as His child. God's grace is sufficient for me.

So, today I am trying to recover from my idleness and seek Him. It isn't easy. Habits have a way of working into your life and grabbing a hold of you with a tenacious strength. God's grace is sufficient.

Recently I read an excerpt from C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity, Book III, chapter 10.

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that other country and to help others to do the same."

Today I will remember that the things I have enjoyed, though marginally, over the past few months were gifts from God but were never intended to be enjoyed without Him.

Today I choose to come to Him and rest.

Today I choose to learn from Him and find rest for my soul.

Today I will rejoice that in taking on His yoke, my burdens fall away.

Thank you, Father.

Joy

We wish for joy to flash upon us in an instant. Instead I find it creeps in at the seams, soaking into your fibers. The perfect balance of peace and contentment. There is always striving for something, a pull on your being. Those pulls on us rip at our seams and allow joy to escape us. The struggle is to stop long enough to reevaluate, seek the Father. I want my striving to be toward God. It isn't always. Abide. Abide in Christ. He holds us together and completes our joy.

Striving

I feel like the dizzy, blindfolded kid at the party wildly swinging at the pinata and constantly missing. Funny thing is, though, I don't want the stupid pinata. I want someone to take off the blindfold and remove the bat from my hand so I can just enjoy the party.

I've always liked the story of Martha and Mary. It's short and to the point. And it cuts me every time. Here it is...

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:38-42, NIV)

Why do we strive so for things that mean so little to us? I think striving is a coping mechanism. We strive to hide our fear, to distract us from our worries, to earn perceived value, to hide from the Truth. It is in our nature to work, like Martha. It is His nature to offer grace, to offer us intimate relationship. In some ways I think we run from that because it means He sees us. Even the weakness. And we all have weak moments. But weak moments aren't moments. They are a slow building of our fears, insecurities, expectations, and life. This momentum builds until we are blind to anything but our own view of things. At these times, it is tempting to give in, to indulge the loneliness, frustration, and sadness. But we want to appear strong, self confident, together. So, we strive. We work. We swing the bat at the pinata as if busting it open will validate our existence and show the world that we are successful and valuable. We work in the kitchen and strive to be the best hostess and gain favor with our guests. And as we do this, He waits for us quietly. He loves us. He sees the fear and frustration and accepts us, forgives. He waits for us to sit at His feet and rest.

I want to choose what is better. My heart longs to be Mary in a Martha world, but all too often I find myself still striving. I long for a time of quiet refreshment in His presence where joy is abundant and peace reigns.