Inescapable

When God has something for me to learn, He is relentless and creative in His pursuit. Circumstances and books and friends have all converged on my heart and mind with the same message, pray. For months now I have been coasting through life with reckless and abandon, quite happy with my quiet life and simple pursuits. Since November, I haven't been able to coast. I'm all shook up and nothing is simple or quiet. In fact, I'm sure I cried more in January than I cried all of last year. And I'm not a crier. It's not even that life is so hard or that things are going badly. It's more a matter of the heart and mind. When you are coasting, you aren't really driving things so much as riding along as the scenery passes you by. Now I'm having to actually drive, make decisions, live my life with intention, and I feel utterly unprepared and ill equipped. I am more aware of the finer details of my life as they are piling up and my need for Divine guidance. My mind is open and alert, my heart submissive and ready, my soul eager. I feel so vulnerable. So small.

I'm learning a lot. And as I learn I find I have even more questions. Growth, at times, is painful. What I'm stuck on at the moment is this, God is in the details. (If you aren't sure about that, read the last chapters of Exodus as God instructs Moses on building the tabernacle, the ark of the covenant, and the priesthood. Reading the Old Testament is very interesting!) He's got them covered, and I just need to trust Him with the outcome. Prayer is not about the details and making God aware of what's going on in my life and how much I need His intervention. It's not about getting answers to my questions and requests. Prayer is about discovering my all powerful, most holy, completely loving God and learning to see His mighty hand at work in this world.

The thing is that it just isn't about me.

Imagine that.

God has my attention and it is inescapable. Sometimes I coast and drift through life because it's easier than remembering that there is much more to this life than my own simple circumstances. Sometimes I get swallowed up in the details of living and think that that is the important stuff. God is calling me to something deeper, something bigger, something with much more purpose and meaning. He is calling me to Him, and He is calling me to prayer.

On Sunday as I gazed out of the window of my plane as it winged it's way back to Texas I found myself in a beautiful, breath stealing world of clouds. Large, bountiful, mysterious lands of white. Below were these tiny dots of land and movement and shadows. The sun blazed on the wing of the plane and outlined the clouds in brilliance. Words abandoned my mind and I felt a lightness in my spirit. For the millionth time in a month, tears came to my eyes.

God did this.

The wonder of it stole away my worries, my pain, my hurt, my time, my words, and my details. All that was left was God in His infinite glory. What was left was prayer, sweet communion with my Creator as He let me see Him.

Inescapable.

I'm so glad it's not about me.